The note under the paper-weight was fluttering in the morning breeze. I crawled out of bed to see what that foreign object was. It was from my brother, and it was scribbled with examples that supported his stand of what we debated last night. Perhaps, not just last night.
We have always not agreed on our outlook on life. While I see virtue in the 10 Cs culture (the materialistic 5 Cs, together with the humane 5 Cs SM Goh recasted), my brother asserts that my line of thought is conforming people to the “lame-stream” societal standards and desires. Despite this little episode of interpersonal disagreement, we get along harmoniously.
The heart of our conflict lies in the difference of what we believe. Ideological differences are not unheard of. We read about political arguments or violent protests related to religions, and history also reminded us of ideological wars. So I am glad, that war did not break out in my family.
Neurologists and psychologists will tell us that it a normal and important life reaction to feel challenged and outraged when others contest or attack us, because it shows that our neural signals are functioning. Nonetheless, it is not true that we should now just blame evolution for all conflicts. I figured that most conflicts aggravate because we carelessly allow ourselves to be blinded by mere chemical signals. If we are more conscious of how we are wired, could we thus be more focused and objective rather than being swayed by emotions?
At home, ugly consequences of argument are prevented because my brother and I share the same consensus about how we should present our views. It is agreed not to raise voices, and we have to speak in a calm manner. We do not cut off whoever is speaking, avoid derogatory terms, and base our discussions on understanding and mutual respect. These simple rules give us the freedom to talk about anything we are unsatisfied with, so we can try to solve the issue on hand, yet maintain an amicable relationship.
In short, respect and courtesy can bring us a long way amidst the myriad forms of conflicts.
Hello Caifang: what an eye-opening read. Bringing up the closest example to heart- family interpersonal relationships- allows me to not only see that you have a very nice and peaceloving family, but also brings the awareness that courtesy and mutual respect is still crutial even between family members. I personally have 3 other siblings and oh wow. You can imagine the recktus we can make sometimes! I'll keep your point in mind.
ReplyDeleteoh, just a quick typo error correction: in your 2nd last paragraph, calm has been spelled clam... quite a common mistake in typing assignments ;P
I think family upbringing is an important factor that decides the way people communicate. Children often picks up habits from their parents. If the parents quarrel and shout a lot, their children would most likely speak in the same manner. I believe your parents speak in a calm and peaceful manner, right?
ReplyDeleteYou also brought up the point of not interrupting whoever is speaking. Parents often tell their children not to interrupt conversations because it is basic manners. However, I think this is not just about being well-mannered, it is an essential skill in allowing us to receive the full message and avoid misunderstandings.
You have an interesting relationship with your brother! I really envy that the both of you can talk and discuss so openly about so many topics. I also find it really heartening to know that despite your brother and you sharing many interesting discussions, you two still adhere to a certain code of conduct that helps to maintain the peace in the house. Keep it up! :)
ReplyDeleteStill agree that we should all be wary of letting our emotions get the better of us during arguments and we should never ever degrade ourselves to the point of using derogatory terms in order to harm each other emotionally. Thumbs up to your belief in good clean discourse and mutual respect!
What a wonderful house rule- one that I think every house should adopt- that you agree to disagree in a calm and rational manner. Excellent!
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